I'm going to preface this by saying that every parent has the right to do with their child as they deem necessary for their family as long as no one is being harmed.
HOWEVER, I HATE Cry It Out, or the Ferber Method of sleep training. I refuse to do that to my child, or anyone for that matter. The whole idea of ignoring your child until they fall asleep from exhaustion completely irks me. When I hear about people who have done it they almost always say that they had to hold themselves back from getting their baby. Of course they did. There is a reason your every instinct says to go pick up your screaming child. We are programmed that way for a reason. That baby needs you to comfort them.
I have no problem letting my little guys fuss a little while they settle down to sleep, or when I am busy with another little one who needs me. Crying and fussing are two different things. Ignoring your baby when they need you is a completely different story.
I was talking to my brother about this and told him to imagine if the situation were different and he was trapped somewhere and could not get out (he agrees with me on the issue BTW). He told me he didn't have to, he had heard a story a while back about a WWII veteran who had lost both his hands. He was fitted with prosthetics, but was unable to open doors with the hooks. One day while he was resting his wife left to go to the grocery store and inadvertently closed him in the bedroom. When she returned a couple hours later he was hysterical because he could not get out and no one came to help him. If an adult can have such a reaction, can you imagine how an infant must feel? Their only way to convey a need is by crying. Sleep training can be accomplished without teaching your baby that you will only respond to them when you are not tired.
I have never let my kids cry it out and all of them sleep well anyway.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Just keep banging the rocks together...
We've had a bit of recent upheaval with my husband's job, and are now living off our GIBill benefits. This is fine, we can do it, but it is a total budget revamp and a pain in my ass. He has sent out his resume to tons of job possibilities, but living in Southern California where the job market is even less stellar than most places I'm not too optomistic. Of course, having him home has upsides: I have an actual adult to talk to during the day, an extra set of eyes while I'm doing chores, and he is much less stressed out.
My second kiddo, W's, teacher sent a letter home the other day to let me know that he had only returned 2 of the last 6 weeks worth of spelling homework. Ugh, totally my fault. He brings it home on Monday and we do some of it everyday. The problem is that it isn't turned in until Friday and somehow it goes poof between Monday and Friday. I try to remind him to replace it on the fridge after we complete the daily portion but either the homework monster is eating it or it is simply not making it there in the first place. It's a great big mommy FAIL that I'm not more vigilant about where it goes. So, now, we are trying to keep it in his homework folder so I can see it going in there between wrestling with the twins and handling a cranky afternoon baby. (Next upside the the husband being home, he can make sure this is being done, whoo, hoo.)At least his math and reading homework makes it to the teacher every day.
Potty training, one of the least fun jobs a parent has. Parents always look foreward to moving past the diapering stage, but nobody really prepares you for the job of potty training. It is completely hit or miss. Is the little guy ready? Is he interested? Does he know when he is going/has to go? Can you convince him to sit on the toilet without a fight? After one false start, H, one half of my 3 yo twins is now potty trained; C is not even remotely close. As I was helping H the other day I realized that I have been changing diapers for almost 9.5 years now and who knows how long it will be before B is potty trained. At least I get to enjoy my cute cloth diapers that much longer!
I've fallen into a trap that I willingly walked into with little B and now I'm trying to figure out how to escape. He is very much like his oldest brother T, a snuggle bug who does not like to be alone. He was such an amazing sleeper until his 4 mo sleep regression, then it was all down hill from there. Finally, sleep deprived, and perfectly happy to snuggle my last baby for as long as possible, I brought him to bed with me. We get so much more sleep, but I've become a human pacifier and this will not work long term. SO, we have to figure out how to sleep train a little guy, who like his big brother, does not do even no cry sleep solutions. He is not a CIO candidate because of the following hysterics that are nearly theatrical in nature and if he mirrors his brother any more will result in him climbing out of his crib at 8 mos. Our solution with T was a mattress on the floor, one of us would lay with him until he fell asleep and then leave, and he would then sleep through the night. Easy when he is the only kiddo, not so easy when you have a house full of them and no extra mattress to put on the floor either. A friend made a cosleeper out of the crib so I'm considering that, at least then I can get up in the middle of the night to take care of the other guys; unfortunately, room is limited and I'm not sure it will fit.
Anyway, the point of this is that (as a Douglas Adams fan) I will "keep banging the rocks together" and things will work out and and fall into place. Then we can tackle new problems, LOL!
My second kiddo, W's, teacher sent a letter home the other day to let me know that he had only returned 2 of the last 6 weeks worth of spelling homework. Ugh, totally my fault. He brings it home on Monday and we do some of it everyday. The problem is that it isn't turned in until Friday and somehow it goes poof between Monday and Friday. I try to remind him to replace it on the fridge after we complete the daily portion but either the homework monster is eating it or it is simply not making it there in the first place. It's a great big mommy FAIL that I'm not more vigilant about where it goes. So, now, we are trying to keep it in his homework folder so I can see it going in there between wrestling with the twins and handling a cranky afternoon baby. (Next upside the the husband being home, he can make sure this is being done, whoo, hoo.)At least his math and reading homework makes it to the teacher every day.
Potty training, one of the least fun jobs a parent has. Parents always look foreward to moving past the diapering stage, but nobody really prepares you for the job of potty training. It is completely hit or miss. Is the little guy ready? Is he interested? Does he know when he is going/has to go? Can you convince him to sit on the toilet without a fight? After one false start, H, one half of my 3 yo twins is now potty trained; C is not even remotely close. As I was helping H the other day I realized that I have been changing diapers for almost 9.5 years now and who knows how long it will be before B is potty trained. At least I get to enjoy my cute cloth diapers that much longer!
I've fallen into a trap that I willingly walked into with little B and now I'm trying to figure out how to escape. He is very much like his oldest brother T, a snuggle bug who does not like to be alone. He was such an amazing sleeper until his 4 mo sleep regression, then it was all down hill from there. Finally, sleep deprived, and perfectly happy to snuggle my last baby for as long as possible, I brought him to bed with me. We get so much more sleep, but I've become a human pacifier and this will not work long term. SO, we have to figure out how to sleep train a little guy, who like his big brother, does not do even no cry sleep solutions. He is not a CIO candidate because of the following hysterics that are nearly theatrical in nature and if he mirrors his brother any more will result in him climbing out of his crib at 8 mos. Our solution with T was a mattress on the floor, one of us would lay with him until he fell asleep and then leave, and he would then sleep through the night. Easy when he is the only kiddo, not so easy when you have a house full of them and no extra mattress to put on the floor either. A friend made a cosleeper out of the crib so I'm considering that, at least then I can get up in the middle of the night to take care of the other guys; unfortunately, room is limited and I'm not sure it will fit.
Anyway, the point of this is that (as a Douglas Adams fan) I will "keep banging the rocks together" and things will work out and and fall into place. Then we can tackle new problems, LOL!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
How do you do it?
I was 20 when T, my oldest, was born. My husband and I were Active Duty Air Force, and T had been unexpected, but very welcome. Our friends loved to say how they could never handle having a child, how it must be such an inconvenience. These statements were inevitably followed by, "How do you do it?". Umm, it's easy actually, T was an easy baby, we took him everywhere, and considering that we were never very into to party scene anyway, having a baby cause any disruption. Deployments were a challenge the first few weeks, but a new routine was quickly established.
When I got pregnant with W, I got out of the Air Force and we were transferred to another base. We soon settled into life as a family of four. W was much more difficult than T and on more than one occasion I sat with him in the car with a screaming infant while my wonderful husband finished the grocery shopping. Another deployment came and I found myself pushing a hysterical 8 month old through the same grocery store trying to keep my 3 yo close and out of trouble and here come the comments. " I don't know how you do it, I would be going crazy. What's wrong with him?"
"Well, I have to have groceries. I do feel a little crazy sometimes, but I'd probably feel less crazy if people like you would stop asking me questions when I have a screaming baby in my shopping cart. There is nothing 'wrong' with him, he is just very easily overstimulated." Luckily, as time passed, W got much easier to deal with, and while most kids are more difficult at 2 years old, I actually saw a marked improvement in his behavior and I breathed a sigh of relief. My husband got out of the Air Force and we moved... Again.
With things getting easier and having two boys, we started talking about having another try for a little girl. Three boys can't be that much harder than two, and wouldn't it be nice if we did have a girl?
I delivered twin boys when W was 3.5 and T was 6. They came at 32 weeks and spent 17 days in the NICU. Shortly after bringing them home we were once again in a grocery store, walking through the produce section while I breastfed one in a ring sling, pushed the other in a stroller and my husband held W's hand. T by this point could be trusted in a public place. A young couple sees us and the guy says to M, "OH MY GOD, Dude, you've got your hands full!" The woman then looks at me with this deer in the headlights look, "How do you do it?". I was exhausted. Completely stressed out, still recovering from my c-section, and EXHAUSTED. I just smiled at her and kept going.
I remember complaining to my husband that night about how tired I was of that question. Just once I wanted to go somewhere and be ignored. I went on, and on, and on about it. Yeah, that is what we call a pipe dream. Go anywhere with twins and you are going to hear about every random person's cousin's ex-girlfriend who has a friend who is a twin. People can't help but ask if they are twins, are they identical or fraternal, and when you add two other little boys into the equation they want to know, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
B came this summer when H&C were 2.5, another, and final, unexpected suprise, and I have actually learned to love the attention I get when going into public with my crew. I especially enjoy the comments I get from people who can't believe that 5 boys can be so well behaved. Older couples tend to be the most vocal and provide the best compliments. And, of course, there is the expected, "How do you do it?" I'm not sure exactly what changed for me, but apparently I've become a bit of an attention whore because I look foreward to taking my guys out.
Oh, and I finally have a response to "How do you do it?" You just do. It has to be done and the best person for the job is me, so I do.
When I got pregnant with W, I got out of the Air Force and we were transferred to another base. We soon settled into life as a family of four. W was much more difficult than T and on more than one occasion I sat with him in the car with a screaming infant while my wonderful husband finished the grocery shopping. Another deployment came and I found myself pushing a hysterical 8 month old through the same grocery store trying to keep my 3 yo close and out of trouble and here come the comments. " I don't know how you do it, I would be going crazy. What's wrong with him?"
"Well, I have to have groceries. I do feel a little crazy sometimes, but I'd probably feel less crazy if people like you would stop asking me questions when I have a screaming baby in my shopping cart. There is nothing 'wrong' with him, he is just very easily overstimulated." Luckily, as time passed, W got much easier to deal with, and while most kids are more difficult at 2 years old, I actually saw a marked improvement in his behavior and I breathed a sigh of relief. My husband got out of the Air Force and we moved... Again.
With things getting easier and having two boys, we started talking about having another try for a little girl. Three boys can't be that much harder than two, and wouldn't it be nice if we did have a girl?
I delivered twin boys when W was 3.5 and T was 6. They came at 32 weeks and spent 17 days in the NICU. Shortly after bringing them home we were once again in a grocery store, walking through the produce section while I breastfed one in a ring sling, pushed the other in a stroller and my husband held W's hand. T by this point could be trusted in a public place. A young couple sees us and the guy says to M, "OH MY GOD, Dude, you've got your hands full!" The woman then looks at me with this deer in the headlights look, "How do you do it?". I was exhausted. Completely stressed out, still recovering from my c-section, and EXHAUSTED. I just smiled at her and kept going.
I remember complaining to my husband that night about how tired I was of that question. Just once I wanted to go somewhere and be ignored. I went on, and on, and on about it. Yeah, that is what we call a pipe dream. Go anywhere with twins and you are going to hear about every random person's cousin's ex-girlfriend who has a friend who is a twin. People can't help but ask if they are twins, are they identical or fraternal, and when you add two other little boys into the equation they want to know, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
B came this summer when H&C were 2.5, another, and final, unexpected suprise, and I have actually learned to love the attention I get when going into public with my crew. I especially enjoy the comments I get from people who can't believe that 5 boys can be so well behaved. Older couples tend to be the most vocal and provide the best compliments. And, of course, there is the expected, "How do you do it?" I'm not sure exactly what changed for me, but apparently I've become a bit of an attention whore because I look foreward to taking my guys out.
Oh, and I finally have a response to "How do you do it?" You just do. It has to be done and the best person for the job is me, so I do.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Because I asked?
First thing this morning little H, one of my 3yo twins, came up to me and said, "Mama, I hungry, my tummy hurts.
Ok. "What do you want to eat?" That's when C, the other twin, comes running up and asks ever so nicely, "Bun, please, please."
"A bun?" I ask, "How about a bowl of cereal?" They both agree and happily sit down to a bowl of breakfast cereal.
Lunch time rolls around and H is once again hungry. "Mama, want a bun."
"How about a hotdog with that bun?"
"Bun, bun." C, butting in, "Bun, please, please."
"Really a bun, nothing else?" A chorus, "Yes, yes, please!" They both happily chomp down a bun for lunch. Then an apple each as well. A bun, huh, not the greatest lunch but not the worst.
The big boys just got home from school, and are getting their snacks. H asks, "Nother bun?"
"No, you don't need another bun, but you can have a granola bar or a nutrigrain bar."
"MAMA! Please, please?!"
"No."
"Mama, I ask, please?"
"So, you think you should get something whenever you ask nicely?"
Big smile. "No bun, honey, find something else."
Big sigh, "Okay..." Sad face.
"Mama, watch movie? Please?"
The moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for. The twins were 8 weeks premature and always much smaller than their older brothers. I couldn't wait for them to reach new milestones so I knew they were developing appropriately. I wished they would learn to talk so I wouldn't have to read minds anymore. Now I'm guilt tripped for saying no, and their debating skills is astonishing to me. Tomorrow I will be more proactive with preset choices to head off bizarre lunch requests.
Ok. "What do you want to eat?" That's when C, the other twin, comes running up and asks ever so nicely, "Bun, please, please."
"A bun?" I ask, "How about a bowl of cereal?" They both agree and happily sit down to a bowl of breakfast cereal.
Lunch time rolls around and H is once again hungry. "Mama, want a bun."
"How about a hotdog with that bun?"
"Bun, bun." C, butting in, "Bun, please, please."
"Really a bun, nothing else?" A chorus, "Yes, yes, please!" They both happily chomp down a bun for lunch. Then an apple each as well. A bun, huh, not the greatest lunch but not the worst.
The big boys just got home from school, and are getting their snacks. H asks, "Nother bun?"
"No, you don't need another bun, but you can have a granola bar or a nutrigrain bar."
"MAMA! Please, please?!"
"No."
"Mama, I ask, please?"
"So, you think you should get something whenever you ask nicely?"
Big smile. "No bun, honey, find something else."
Big sigh, "Okay..." Sad face.
"Mama, watch movie? Please?"
The moral of the story? Be careful what you wish for. The twins were 8 weeks premature and always much smaller than their older brothers. I couldn't wait for them to reach new milestones so I knew they were developing appropriately. I wished they would learn to talk so I wouldn't have to read minds anymore. Now I'm guilt tripped for saying no, and their debating skills is astonishing to me. Tomorrow I will be more proactive with preset choices to head off bizarre lunch requests.
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